


You and I

by MajorWolfe



Series: Feels Like Home - The 'Home' AU [2]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 17:52:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12893508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorWolfe/pseuds/MajorWolfe
Summary: 'That' chapter from the Home AU.  Rated M to be on the safe side, but probably more like a high T, if you're looking for explicit smut, you're probably going to be disappointed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, here we are, Bernie and Serena's first times together. I've posted this separately, and deliberately been vague about the timeline, to allow you to decide when it happened. In my mind, it hasn't happened yet, but I know some of you like to think that it already has and I didn't want to ruin that for you! I don't usually write this sort of thing so I hope it's okay!

Neither woman was sure why they’d forgone their usual routine of curling up on the sofa together once the children were in bed, choosing instead to head to their own bedroom intending to watch a film together, a film that had been forgotten the second Bernie’s lips met Serena’s, and instead they’d spent almost half an hour laid on the bed, simply kissing and holding each other.

Serena knew Bernie wouldn’t make the first move, wouldn’t take the next step, knew she’d be worried about doing the wrong thing, would worry about ‘pushing’ Serena into something she didn’t want to do, so, as she felt Bernie’s tongue fight against her own, she gently wrapped one of her hands around Bernie’s wrist, slowly moving the blonde’s hand from her hip to her chest, “Serena” Bernie whispered, breaking the kiss slightly.

“It’s okay” Serena whispered back, “if it’s okay with you then it’s okay with me.”

Bernie nodded, pressing her lips to Serena’s again as she gently squeezed her hand, deepening the kiss when she heard Serena gasp and moan at the action, “you like that?” she mumbled.

Serena nodded as she bit gently on Bernie’s lower lip, “Mhmm.”

They stayed like that for a while, Bernie’s lips not moving from Serena’s, her hand not moving from Serena’s chest but eventually her confidence grew, “can I?” she asked as she slipped her hand under the hem of Serena’s top, letting her fingers trail over Serena’s skin until they brushed over the simple cotton of the nursing bra she wore to make things easier on the rare occasion that Ellie still woke for a feed in the night.

“Bernie” Serena groaned softly, shuffling closer, not that she thought that was possible, “please” she reached around herself to undo her bra, “please Bernie.” Bernie slid the straps of Serena’s bra down her arms, making eye contact with Serena and getting a simple nod in response before her hands made contact with Serena’s bare skin.  It wasn’t long before Bernie felt a tug at her own pyjama top, “can I…?” Serena mumbled.  Bernie nodded and Serena pulled both her tshirt and the sports bra she was wearing over her head before trailing her own hands up Bernie’s torso towards her chest.

“You erm, you don't have to” Bernie said softly as she felt Serena’s hands reach their destination, “I know I haven't got much…” 

“Nonsense” Serena kissed Bernie’s lips, “I've only got small hands, and well…” she gently squeezed her hands to make a point, causing Bernie to gasp and close her eyes as Serena nibbled at her neck, “who needs more than a handful anyway?” 

“But you…” 

“I'm not you” Serena told Bernie between kisses, her hands still working over Bernie's chest, “you're more toned and muscular than me, I'm curvier than you, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Life would be boring if everybody, and every body was the same.” 

Bernie had never thought that someone’s voice could be a turn on, but she was sure Serena's voice was turning her insides to jelly, she could barely concentrate on Serena's words as her thumbs swiped at the sensitive skin underneath her breasts, but that didn't deter Serena as she continued with her lecture. 

“I want you to forget what Marcus, what anyone else told you. Your body, you, are bloody perfect, you are beautiful, you're strong…” Serena briefly squeezed Bernie’s biceps before turning her attention back to Bernie's chest, driving her wild, “and I love you. Exactly. As. You. Are” she punctuated each of the last four words with a kiss along Bernie's neck and jaw before kissing her lips once she'd finished. 

Bernie groaned and arched closer to Serena, barely able to mumble “I love you too” against Serena's lips between kisses. 

They spent a while exploring each other’s bodies, enjoying the contact of skin on skin, both used to being physically close, but both enjoying the newness, both enjoying the sensation of skin on skin, of hands roaming curves that were already so familiar, but yet seemed so new without the thin barrier of clothing between them.

“Bernie” Serena mumbled softly, arching her body closer to her partner’s.

“Do you want to?” Bernie asked softly, “we erm, we don’t have to, if you’re not ready or…”

“Bernie” Serena placed her index finger on her lips, “I’m fine, I trust you Darling, we both know that if we want to stop then we only have to say, we’ll do this at a pace that’s comfortable for us okay, if we decide we just want to kiss and cuddle then that’s what we’ll do.”

Bernie nodded, so close to Serena that their lips were almost touching, “I know, I just want this to be perfect, for both of us.”

Serena brushed Bernie’s hair from her face, “I’m with you, it will be perfect” she whispered, “it’ll be us, just us, and no matter what happens, that’s all I want Bernie, just you.”

Bernie closed the tiny gap to kiss Serena, “I love you.”

“I love you too” Serena replied, slipping her hands around Bernie to rest in the small of her back as she kissed her again.

Serena wouldn’t call herself inexperienced in the bedroom, she’d had her fair share of partners, probably more than her fair share by some people’s standards, but sex with Bernie was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before, Bernie was so soft, so gentle, made her feel so loved that Serena was surprised to feel tears pricking at her eyes as she reached her climax. With any other lover she’d probably have been frustrated, annoyed about their constant need to check she was okay, but not with Bernie, she knew just how nervous she was, knew she was worried about hurting Serena, about their relationship moving too fast.  Instead she realised that Bernie’s constant need for reassurance came out of the love she had for Serena, and a desire to make sure she was comfortable with the way the evening had played out.

“Serena” Bernie whispered, holding her closely and kissing her hair, “are you okay?”

Serena nodded as she nuzzled into Bernie, as always, her body draping over the blonde’s, “perfect” she whispered as her fingers trailed lazily over Bernie’s bare stomach, tracing patterns over her faded stretch marks, wondering how on earth she managed to stay so toned after having two children.

“You’re crying” Bernie ran her fingers under Serena’s eyes to catch her tears, “did I hurt you?”

“No” Serena answered quickly before brushing her lips against Bernie’s, “quite the opposite really” she admitted, “no one’s ever made me feel quite so loved.”

Bernie smiled and kissed Serena again, “I’m glad to hear it” she said, gently catching Serena’s wrist, entwining their fingers as she felt her hand slip lower, “you don’t need to” she whispered.

“But you haven’t…”

“It doesn’t matter” Bernie smiled as Serena dropped kisses to Bernie’s collar bone, “we’ve got all the time in the world.”

“Are you sure?”

Bernie nodded and gently kissed Serena again, “of course, let’s put some clothes on in case the kids come in in the morning and get some rest.”

Serena nodded, falling even more in love with Bernie when the blonde stood from the bed, pulling her top back on before helping Serena back into her own pyjamas, “I do love you Bernie” she smiled sleepily.

Bernie chuckled and knelt on the edge of the bed to kiss Serena’s lips before climbing over her to get back onto her side of the mattress, “I know” she smiled, “and I love you too Serena, so, so much.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit more of a plot to this chapter, but now it's Bernie's turn! This starts the evening after Chapter One takes place.

“Are you okay?” Serena asked softly as she reached for Bernie’s hand, “and you know I’m only asking to be polite, I know something’s on your mind” she said gently, “will you tell me what?”

Bernie sighed, not letting go of Serena’s hand, “I’ve been thinking about last night” she said quietly, bowing her head so her fringe covered her face.

"Was it too much?” Serena asked quickly, “it was wasn’t it? I pushed you too far and…”

“No” Bernie interrupted, “you didn’t, it’s not…” she sighed and ran her free hand over her face, “you probably won’t believe me, but it’s not you, it’s me” she whispered.

“Bernie?” there was no judgement in Serena’s voice, just love and concern for her partner.

“I erm, I’m worried about” Bernie closed her eyes and took a deep breath before admitting, “I’m worried about when, I mean if you, well, if you reciprocate.”

“Okay” Serena frowned slightly, “is there anything in particular that worries you? You know that I don’t have to reciprocate though don’t you?” she asked softly, “and you don’t have to do anything either, if you’re not comfortable…”

“It’s not… I enjoyed what we did last night, but when you, when Marcus and I… well I didn’t always, I didn’t always get the same pleasure from it than he did, and I don’t want you to blame yourself or think you’re doing something wrong when we… if I don’t…”

Serena let out a sigh of relief when she realised it wasn’t anything serious, “Okay” Serena said softly, “you sometimes didn’t have an orgasm having sex with Marcus and you’re worried that the same might happen when we have sex?” she wanted to make sure she’d understood.

Bernie gave a single nod, “but change ‘sometimes’ to ‘hardly ever’ and you’re about there” she whispered, feeling slightly embarrassed, “I don’t know if it was because I didn’t particularly enjoy it, or if I just got used to going without when I was on tour but…” she shrugged, “I don’t, sometimes I feel like I’m not really bothered about it.”

“And that’s okay” Serena tried to reassure her, “I’m sure you’re not the only person who feels that way, but if you weren’t enjoying sex with Marcus then it’s understandable that it’s not something you look forward to. I won’t lie Bernie, I do enjoy sex, I always have, but if it makes you uncomfortable, if you’d rather we stuck to kissing and cuddling then that’s absolutely fine, but if you do want to have sex, we can take things at your pace, we can wait until you feel ready, whatever you need, whatever makes you feel comfortable, it’s completely up to you Bernie.”

“I want to do it” Bernie finally made eye contact with Serena, Serena reaching up with her free hand to brush Bernie’s fringe from her face, “I want us to have that level of intimacy, I…” she sighed again.

“You’re worried that I’ll judge you if you don’t enjoy it as much as you think you should?”  Bernie nodded, once again dropping her gaze to the floor, hiding behind her hair.  Serena gently squeezed her hand gently, “you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but do you know what you enjoy? What you like?”

“I…” Bernie couldn’t find the words so she simply nodded, allowing Serena continued.

“So surely that points to the problem being with Marcus not with you?” Serena bit her lip to try and hide her smirk, “and when, if, you feel ready for us to be that intimate together, we can work something out, I know what I like and you know what you like, so if there’s something you want me to do, something you don’t want me to do, then tell me Bernie, I won’t be angry, I won’t judge you if you like different things to me, I won’t judge you if there are things you don’t enjoy. Bernie, I wouldn’t judge you even if you wanted to stop half way through and just cuddle.  When we have sex, our whole relationship, it’s about us, it’s about what we enjoy and if you enjoy being curled up on the sofa with a cuppa more than you enjoy us having sex then that’s okay, the only people who know that will be us and you know I’d never complain about getting to curl up somewhere cosy with you.” 

Bernie slowly raised her head again, “I love you.”

Serena smiled, stroking Bernie’s cheek with her thumb, “I love you too” she whispered, nuzzling her nose against Bernie’s.

“I want to” Bernie said softly, “I want us to…”

“Okay” Serena kissed her again, “but there’s no rush, neither of us are going anywhere, we can wait until you’re ready.

Bernie nodded, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders after she’d told Serena what had been playing on her mind and she shifted slightly on the sofa, allowing herself to relax slightly, letting her head rest on Serena’s shoulder, exhaling slowly as Serena shifted to wrap Bernie in her arms, all the tension she’d been carrying leaving Bernie’s body at the simple contact.

Serena dropped a kiss to Bernie’s hair and began humming softly to her, beginning to trail her fingers up and down her partner’s spine, it was a method she’d used to calm Elinor many times before, so she shouldn’t have been surprised when she felt Bernie’s body slump against her as she dozed off to sleep but she didn’t stop.  Serena kept humming, kept stroking her back to keep her settled, happy to let her sleep for a while, and, as Bernie slept, Serena took the opportunity to think. She’d only had the ‘pleasure’ of meeting Marcus once, an experience that had done little to make her think positively of the man, and the more Bernie spoke about him the lower her opinion sank, but at the same time she wanted to meet him again, wanted to shake him by the hand, wanted to thank him for not realising how amazing Bernie was, how amazing his children were, she wanted to thank him for being such an idiot that he walked away from a perfect family and gave Serena to, not only meet Bernie, Charlie and Cam, but to be get to know them, to love them and be loved by them. 

\----

It was almost three weeks later when, after the kids were all asleep, Bernie nervously told Serena, “I think I'm ready for us to…” 

Serena nodded and smiled softly, “okay” she reached for Bernie's hand, feeling it shaking slightly as she squeezed it gently, giving away the anxiety and nervousness that Bernie had tried so hard to hide, “can we do something first though?” she reached out to stroke Bernie's cheek with her thumb, an action that always seemed to relax her. 

“Yeah” Bernie swallowed hard as she nodded, her throat suddenly feeling drier than she’d ever known it, “anything.” 

“I'm going to go and run you a bath” Serena told her, still stroking Bernie's cheek with her thumb as she made eye contact before telling her “and I'd like to share that bath with you if you’d let me?” Bernie nodded, feeling under no pressure to agree but wanting to anyway. Serena smiled and pressed her lips to Bernie's before letting their foreheads rest together, “why don't you bring a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses upstairs?” Bernie nodded again, her throat too dry to speak. Serena kissed her again, “take as long as you need” she said softly, “just come up when you're ready.” She kissed Bernie for a third time and gently squeezed her hand before standing from the sofa and making her way upstairs. 

Serena was already in the bath when Bernie returned, holding out her hands for the wine as Bernie quickly undressed and slipped under the bubbles, thanking Serena when she was passed a glass. 

Serena put her now free hand on Bernie's hip, encouraging her to move back slightly so Bernie's back was against her chest, Bernie gasping slightly at the contact, “you're okay” Serena said softly, “I just want you to relax, you won't enjoy it if you're all tense” she placed a soft kiss being Bernie's ear before gently nipping at her earlobe, “we can stop whenever you need to, and if there's anything you want, you only have to ask.” She knew Bernie struggled with eye contact when she was worried and thought that them being like this might feel less intimidating for Bernie if she didn’t have to worry about being under Serena’s gaze, if she could let herself go without worrying about how she looked.

Bernie groaned softly, Serena's voice once again lighting a fire in the pit of her stomach as she shakily raised her wine glass to her lips and took a sip, “I know” 

“Good” Serena took a sip of her own wine as her free hand began to gently trail over Bernie’s toned stomach, occasionally grazing the sensitive skin under Bernie’s breasts, cataloguing every gasp, every groan for future reference, determined to show Bernie that any problems she had being intimate with Marcus were not because of her body.

Once Serena had finished her wine she carefully put the glass in the sink, allowing both her hands to caress Bernie's body, the fingertips of one hand gently stroking her inner thigh, occasionally grazing her fingernails of the other hand against the swell of Bernie's breast. 

She worked slowly, not wanting to push Bernie too far too fast, gently kissing and nipping anywhere she could as she felt Bernie almost melting against her. Bernie wasn't as vocal as Serena, it was a series of soft sighs, gasps and groans that gave away just how much she was enjoying Serena's hands on her body but Serena didn't mind, didn't care if Bernie was completely silent as long as she was enjoying herself. 

The first time Serena's hand slipped between Bernie's thighs, Bernie let out a noise that Serena could only describe as a whimper, the wine glass almost falling from her hand as she arched her back, her head falling against Serena's shoulder, eyes closed in pleasure. Serena took the opportunity to place a series of featherlight kisses to the exposed skin of Bernie's neck as she gently took the wine glass from her without a word, stopping briefly to place it in the sink with her own before turning her attention back to Bernie. 

The water was starting to cool by the time Bernie fell apart around Serena's fingers, Serena spending longer than Bernie thought she could stand, pushing her closer to the edge before backing off, again and again until she knew Bernie couldn't take any more and finally gave her the release she’d craved for so long. 

“Serena” Bernie's breath caught in her throat, the blonde surprised to find tears prickling at her eyes. 

Serena kissed Bernie’s shoulder, her as around her stomach, holding her as close as she could, “I'm here” she whispered, “I've got you.”

Bernie’s head fell back against Serena's shoulder again, “I love you” she murmured. 

Serena brushed Bernie's hair from her face and kissed her temple, “I love you too”. 

Bernie smiled sleepily at Serena, “that was, I mean I've never… not like that.” 

Serena smirked and kissed Bernie again, “well my Love, I can promise you that, tonight might have been the first time, but it definitely won't be the last.”

Bernie smiled, her eyes closing slowly, “I look forward to it” she hummed. 

Serena looked at Bernie, at how relaxed, how happy she looked, “come on” she gently tapped Bernie’s thigh, “the water’s getting cold, let's go and get in bed before you fall asleep, shuffle forwards and I'll grab the towels.”  She lifted herself from the bath and wrapped a towel around herself before helping Bernie to her feet, wrapping her in the largest towels they owned, towels she’d had warming on the radiator, “okay?” she asked softly, Bernie’s legs still trembling slightly as she smiled sleepily.

“Yeah” Bernie nodded, “I am, thank you.”

Serena nuzzled against Bernie and kissed her softly, “you’re welcome Darling, now let’s get you into bed before those legs give way Bambi.”

Bernie laughed slightly, “no need to look so smug.”

Serena wrapped her arm around Bernie as she walked her into the bedroom, “I think I’ve got every need” she said as she sat Bernie on the edge of the bed and passed her some pyjamas, “need a hand getting those on or…?”

“No, no, I think I can manage” Bernie smiled as she pulled on her pyjamas and flopped back against the mattress, not sure she had the energy to get into bed properly.

“Come on” Serena climbed into bed after pulling on her own pyjamas and holding out her arms, “c’mere”. Bernie sighed and took a deep breath before slowly crawling into Serena’s arms, “are you okay?” she asked softly as she ran her fingers through Bernie’s hair, “tonight wasn’t too much?”

Bernie shook her head, content for Serena to hold her for a change, “not at all, it was… nice isn’t enough, but I can’t think of another word.”

“As long as you were comfortable with it?” 

Bernie nodded, her head against Serena’s chest, loving the feel of Serena playing with her curls. “very much so, but you’ve worn me out” she yawned again.

Serena kissed Bernie’s hair, “sleep then My Love, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

Serena nodded, kissing Bernie’s hair again as her eyes fluttered closed, “I promise.”


End file.
